Fake news: Where have all the good Garys gone?

With the heartbreaking news from scientists that people bearing the name Gary will be formally extinct by 2050, travel agents and suppliers have been clamouring to revamp their sales and experiences to ensure travellers get to see one more Gary before it’s too late.

BUT tracking down the remaining Garys is already quite difficult, one local agent explains to travelBulletin.

“People have been shunning the name Gary for many years, so even in 2022 there are limited Garys left for travellers to go and visit,” says Anna Garber from Name that Gary Travel.

“I’ve had hundreds of clients in my office desperate to catch a glimpse of a Gary, and I have to tell them, ‘look, even if I organise a trip to where most of the Garys live, there’s no guarantee you will be able to meet one.’”

Nonetheless, Anna has been organising trips to South Africa and England mainly, claiming to have sourced the most people by the name of Gary in the online Yellow Pages.

“I don’t know why, but most Garys live in either of those two countries, so that’s a traveller’s best bet for sure,” Garber says.

When asked why she uses an old resource like the phone book and not social media to track down a Gary in the wild, the plucky agent’s eyes light up.

“I tried that for months,” she exclaims.

“But Garys aren’t really cool enough to use social media, nor do they have an interest in TikToking or sharing 30 seconds videos – Garys are much more comfortable puzzling at home on their own or complaining about the weather to a loved one – this is why they are so hard to catch and meet.”

Travellers wanting to meet a Gary may face the vexing decision of either trying to strike up a conversation with one of these rare and reclusive individuals casually in public (if you’re lucky enough to spot one) or pay the premium price and fork out to visit a specialist Gary enclosure.

“Going to a Gary sanctuary is quite popular with Generation Z,” Garber says.

“Most young people have never seen one so feel a bit threatened by what a Gary might do.

“When they are behind a glass wall in their own natural habitat, a Gary is far less likely to lash out or make people feel awkward by talking incessantly about 70s science fiction literature for example.

“The owners of the sanctuaries also create an environment to relax the Garys so they feel happier, often they will play relaxing tunes like Stars by Simply Red, or have trainers walk up to them and insist that Kingswood Country was a great TV show – it really works,” Garber concludes.

Organise a Gary Adventure now by calling, 1800 – Must See Gary.

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