The Fake News

ACCOMMODATION to die for

with Adam Bishop

The last couple of months has seen accommodation disruptors like Airbnb really push the boundaries in their rigorous quest for unique listings, from a chance to bunk down in a sleeping bag on The Great Wall of China to wedging yourself between two bull’s buttocks on a genuine cattle station in Wyoming.

But an emerging player in this dynamic space, AirDare, is now spruiking themselves as the new market leader on this elusive scale of uniqueness, unveiling the chance to stay in a real-life prison chock-full of hardened criminals. Conveniently located close by to a bustling airport for easy connection, AirDare describes The Venezuelan Correctional Facility for the Irredeemably Violent as having “an abundance of free inches to rent” in its cells for those with an “adventurous spirit and steely resolve”.

Speaking about their latest listing, AirDare Chief Executive Officer James Bilko told travelBulletin that hunkering down in a small cell with 18 other vicious felons might sound like an adventurer’s dream but warned the reality can have its challenges.

“Most people are used to staying in nice hotels with friendly staff where butlers deliver you food and all of that, well the only delivery our clients should expect here is a crowbar to the knees if they fall out of line,” Bilko cautioned.

“We want to be truly immersive, so the only way we felt we could achieve this was to make sure we put the crims with the most violent reputations in the cells with of our clients, and then we tell the inmates that our client has stolen money from their families on the outside – just to ramp up the adrenaline factor a bit,” he added.

AreDare customers will receive a full survival kit before entering the clink, including prison essentials such as pepper spray, a flair gun and rape whistle.

And for the foodies of the world who have often fantasised about eating like Dickens’ favourite orphan Oliver Twist, the opportunity to sample several different varieties of gruel are also on offer with this package, from thin and runny to chunky and sludgy.

When we asked what a typical client thinks of the experience after they endure their seven-day stretch in hell, a decidedly glum Bilko had this to say.

“Well to be totally honest with you mate, so far we haven’t had a client survive until the end,” he lamented.

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